Drama & Negativity: How to Disengage

For those who consistently find themselves saturated with someone else’s mess and drama...Take heed.

Life comes pre-packaged with Ups, Downs, Trials and Victories. They all come standard. What does not come standard; however, is a life manual instructing us on the best possible way to handle all of the above. (For those that may not have read the Bible) Today, we will address a simple and universal disease that infects our lives all too often. Mess.

I say, make it stop with You. DO NOT allow people to force their stagnant, negative situations on you and disrupt your peace. You have NO obligation to entertain gossip and negativity. Instead, you should focus on becoming a soothing salve to calm any hurt brought to your attention. You can only do that by completely revoking negativity from the controllable aspects of your life. Allow it NO access! Of course, we ALL will experience negative situations outside of our immediate control, but we still have the option IN those situations to control our responses TO them.

He said, She said.
When does it end?

People always want a cheerleader…someone to tell them that they are right and the rest of the world is irrevocably wrong. The problem with gathering those cheerleaders is this: People will always minimize their direct involvement in a bad situation when they relay it to others. What person will have the “back” of someone who is actually the instigator not the victim? People add to stories, subtract from them, exaggerate or outright make things up from thin air…and we ALL know this. Yet for some reason, when it’s a best friend-family member-or even an entertaining associate…we tend to forget that vital rule. We will hold onto every word that spills out of their mouths as if it was the Gospel.

I have always been a firm believer that the first one to talk (especially to outside third parties who have nothing to do with the problem itself), is usually the first one to lie. Why do you think people share negative things about a person WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAT PERSON KNOWS? Unfortunately, when a person has a “problem” with someone- they will often encourage people around them to have a problem with that person as well…especially concerning shared relationships. (family, friends, co-workers, church members, etc) Even though you cannot avoid it, you can ignore it. We, as a people, really need to work on what nonsense we allow into our personal bubble…infecting our Peace.

Whenever someone tries to pull you into a drama-filled situation, I have a very important mental process that I Strongly recommend you adopt. BEFORE you even allow yourself to comment, question, relate or form an opinion at all – Ask yourself these 4 questions and answer them HONESTLY. (don’t worry…I’ve included explanations of each question…)

1. How does this situation DIRECTLY affect me?
(If you are not involved in any fashion, it really isn’t anything you should be discussing…if you really want to be real about it.)

2. What is the REAL purpose/intent behind this information being shared with me?
(Weigh the info being shared. Is it for my benefit, or is it being shared so that I can change my opinion about another person… for a reason that has nothing to do with me directly. Are you telling me this so that I can HELP you, or so I can HATE the other person? BIG DIFFERENCE)


3. What is the TRUE character of the person telling me their situation? Based on what I have PERSONALLY seen/experienced.
(This is a given. If you know you are dealing with someone who lies, exaggerates, leaves their faults out of the equation, etc…you OBVIOUSLY may not want to take everything they say at face value and vice versa.)
4. Did the person tell me ANYTHING negative about themselves (actions, reactions, words, etc?)…or was the entire “fault” placed on the other party involved?
(Beware of ANY negative situation relayed to you…where only ONE party had anything to do with the problem. If you are listening and they do not mention one thing negative about their OWN actions/reactions… I would be very cautious about what I decided to believe.) It cannot ALWAYS be EVERYONE ELSE all the time.

How those questions are answered should directly dictate your responses. I am not telling you to be rude and not listen to a friend bearing their hearts burdens, I am simply advising you to turn on your God-given filter and activate your political correct responses. I personally recommend, “I hate that you are going through this negative situation right now, but all I can do is pray that God will work it all out the way it’s supposed to be. Stay strong and focused on the positive until everything works itself out.”

Remember, the only seeds that will take root in your Life, are the seeds you nurture.
Protect your garden and be very cautious of who you allow to poke around in it. Anyone sowing discord should have their garden privileges revoked immediately. Let them observe your beautiful harvest of peace, productivity and wisdom from a safe distance.


D.D. Walker